Subject: hi mom
Hi mom. I hope this is still your email address. I wrote a more
in-depth email, but I'm too strung out on lack of sleep to proofread
it properly. I will share it with you some other time.
Remember the discussion about "homosexual tendencies"? I'm not a
lesbian. I'm gender-dysphoric, where dysphoric is a fancy word for
"confused." I wish I were a man. A gay one. I also wish I could have
talked with a therapist before this email, one who could have talked
me around to the idea of coming out (again?) to my parents, but I
don't have any money for therapy and I really shouldn't need a
therapist to tell me I can talk to you. I'm just confused and kind of
embarrassed and afraid I might not be serious, but considering that
this has been keeping me up at night since August... yeah. I'm fairly
certain my anxiety over this is what's been causing my insomnia.
On the bright side, [younger brother] is at worst mildly bisexual, so you can
sleep easy knowing you only have one high-maintenance child.
Please don't call, I hate telephones. We'll have a long talk next time
we see each other in person but a phone call would be horribly
awkward. I know, email is such a cop-out and I should have waited
until we were having quality mother-daughter time to bring this up,
but I'm so tired of not being able to sleep. If unburdening myself and
sharing my confusion is what it takes to cure my freaking insomnia,
then it's about time I did so. Toss the ball out there before I lose
my nerve and waffle for another few months.
If the tone of this email sounds flippant and careless, that's because
I'm more comfortable being flippant and careless, and this email was
hard enough to write as is. Sadly, this is not a joke.
And uh... if you could hold off on telling Dad a while, I'd appreciate it.
PS - I wrote the email and now I've been sitting here for five minutes
trying to work up the nerve to press the send button. It's not so much
that I'm afraid of your reaction, but that telling this to you makes
it real. Yeah, I'll quit being a wimp and send it already.